TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
