then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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