I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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