I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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