Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
