...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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