everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
