Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
