I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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