If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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