What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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