I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
