yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
