genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
