Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My underwear smells like fireworks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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