I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
