my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
