Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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