I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
