Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
