just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
