chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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