I'm going to jail i love you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
