How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had to coat check the pizza.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
