Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
