Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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