It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
