It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
