Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just invented taco cereal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
