is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
