i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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