Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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