Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
