Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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