Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
