There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
