Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
