Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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