Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
