i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
