I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
