ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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