I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
