Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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