then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is Oprah even human
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
