so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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