i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
