I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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