I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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