I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
