my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
