i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
