He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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