I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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