puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
