She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize