News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
