I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
