so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She bit a glass in half.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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