i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
