made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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