that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
