Can Purell be used as lube?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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