Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
