Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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